I just threw up on my dentist
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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