I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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