i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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