Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
