Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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