Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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