It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize