Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
