Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
