I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
