he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize