You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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