So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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