if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
