i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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