So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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