There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
