So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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