the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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