dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
