i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
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He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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