I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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