we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
