I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
