how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
