she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
