i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
