Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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