I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
