I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
