i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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