I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
