I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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