He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize