why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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