We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
