There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize