im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
