I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize