I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
