She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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