She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
