My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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