you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
sex in a hospital.. check
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
