I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
