let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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