Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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