I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
