A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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