....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
