Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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