you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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