I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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