I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
