I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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