so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
